In that court you spoke of fear. You lied through your teeth despite the oath you made minutes earlier. You have brought a fear into me that you can’t understand. A sheer infinitesimal moment of seeing you triggers an instinctual flight so strong I don’t even get to think before I run. And after I do, I just want to cry. You make me feel like the only solution to a problem I never started is my own death. You make me wish I was invisible. And you make others believe that I deserve to be as well, and it burns all the more. What happened to you to make you believe what you say? Do you even? The worst part of it is, despite all the pain and fear you still bring me, I would never wish it upon you. I could even manage to forgive you, no less. And I hate that. You have hurt me in the most unjustified ways, and all the therapy in the world has told me that I should at least feel some anger towards you about it, but I just don’t. I’m more worried for you than anything else. It’s easier for me to be mad at myself for not being mad at you than it is for me to be mad at you, and it’s just so stupid. I want to say I wish you never convinced me to continue talking to you, I wish that we never dated, but it’s not true. In some weird way, you motivated me to strengthen my mental health. I still cherish those memories, but now you’re the biggest burden I carry in my life, and there’s no solution to it because you don’t want to stop. And now the only way I can properly express my overwhelmingly complicated emotions towards you is through things like this, things that will never matter. What happened to you? Why are you doing this? Questions I’ll never get an answer to. You’re so far gone if you actually saw this you’d probably try to use it against me, or even think of it as some angry message to you, but it’s not. I’m tired. I have been ever since I broke up with you. I just want peace. But you seem to want me to stop existing, and for a moment I almost gave it to you. I’m so desperate I’m begging to nobody for you to just leave me alone. Even more desperate for you to actually apologize. But some things will never be resolved, and I’m learning to accept that.