I can’t forget our friendship. No matter how much I try, I can’t forget the feelings that were left unattended. The things I never got to admit. The memories that I try to forget every single day. I remember the first time you left, the second time had hurt a lot more than the first. I don’t know what I did. I don’t understand what I did to deserve it. All I ever wanted was for us to last. And yet, that was asking too much. I cherished every moment we shared. I replayed every moment every single day. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I managed to stop after a couple months.. but even then, small things would remind me of you again. The shoes you wore, the way you laughed, the way you would say good night, the music you listened to, the shows you watched, just the kind of person you were. I still can’t forget about it. I can’t forget every text. No matter how much I try to forget everything I thought we had, little things remind me of you. I can’t move on. I don’t know what I did, I wish you would have told me rather than walking away without a word. At least knowing that you saw my messages, my last ones, that showed that I cared, if you had seen those, then maybe I would be okay to move on. But I don’t think I would be. All I want is an explanation for what made you leave. You left the first time with an explanation, and I understood. I did, I understand how difficult times impact someone physically and mentally. But the second time, you just left like you didn’t care how I would feel. Maybe you were struggling again, since you had stopped responding for hours. Maybe you had lost interest in talking to me. Maybe I was annoying you. Maybe I just spoke too much and you had decided to respond only hours later after I kept asking how you were. Just to check in on you. Because I cared. I woke up and immediately thought of you. Of texting you. Of what we would talk about. Of what we would do. I was always looking forward to spending my day with you. I miss everything. And I hate admitting that. I hate admitting that because it feels like I cared for someone who hadn’t felt the same care that I felt. I can’t even bring myself to hating you because of how much I still care about you. I don’t understand why I can’t move on. It’s been months now. I shouldn’t be thinking about what I should’ve said. I shouldn’t be thinking about what could’ve happened if you ended up staying. If you had considered explaining before leaving. I wish you had considered it before leaving. I wish so much that I can’t have anymore. All because you left. And maybe it wasn’t your fault you had to leave me. I just wish I knew why, if, so much. I want to know so much. I wanted us to grow old together. I wanted us to meet. I wanted us to hug. To feel your warmth. To see your smile in person. To hear your voice clearer. To see your beauty up close. To see those beautiful eyes. To hear that joy-filling laugh. To just see you. Was that too much to ask? Was it too much to want? Was it too much to experience? If I had said this or that sooner.. would it have changed this? Would have our friendship lasted? I know I can’t keep asking myself these questions. It’s too much to just bare the thought of you again. To think of that summer again. I can’t keep thinking about everything that could have happened. But I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about what I could’ve done differently. I miss you so much and I hate it. Because maybe you don’t even think about our friendship, maybe you just laugh about it. Maybe you never cared. Maybe you don’t care now. And it hurts to think about. We said goodnight to each other every night. Every. Night. That mattered so much to me. You mattered so much to me. I felt like I mattered to someone. I actually felt seen. I felt loved. I felt like someone actually deeply cared and loved me. I felt so comforted. I had felt things I hadn’t felt before. I felt like a delicate flower being held by gentle hands. Just to be crushed. I feel so betrayed in more ways than one. And you will never understand how hurt I am. I thought I did everything right. I asked how you were all the time. I made sure you were okay. I had made sure you had eaten and hydrated yourself.. BECAUSE I CARED. I should’ve never let myself be that attached to you. Not after you left the first time. I should’ve known. I should’ve realized. I shouldn’t cry every tear that I do. I didn’t even cry when you left the second time. Not until a while, but I thought about all I lost when you left. I never got to say everything I wanted to. I realized so late. Even though we said I love you platonically.. I never got to say it the way I wanted to. Only then did I realize. Only then did I lose the opportunity to say the one thing I meant from my soul. I love you.