i feel so pitiful and so weak. im supposed to be much stronger than this. i know you are awful for me. i know i am awful for you. i feel like i cant let you go. ive cried over and over and over and over again about how much i wish id just let you leave the first time. i feel so fucking stupid too. i knew it was over right then but i just let myself fall deeper into you and i dont know why i ignored that feeling deep down. the feeling that we would eventually hurt each other. i never wanted to betray you. but im not sure if u even cared that you betrayed me. and after that time i knew i couldn’t go back to you. i know how wrong it is for us to go back and forth. its unfair all of this is so unfair and sometimes i wish i never met you. as much as i miss your laugh, your touch, and listening to you sing you hurt me so deeply and for a moment it made me want to die. i lost it all for a moment and it showed me how ridiculous my love is for you —i hate it so much. i hate how much space you take up in my dumb dumb dumb heart. i hate it so fucking much.