I miss you. I find it weird how my brain can block out all of the bad things that happened between us, mostly that you did. you did really fuck up- you did very questionable things that anyone could figure out to be that you didn’t love me as much as you said you did. but i know that’s not true. i know you did love me, which is why the possibility of you not feeling anything towards me is ridiculous. i know you do. do you? do you miss me? do you feel like I did all those days where i couldn’t get you off my mind and your absence was drilling a hole in my soul? I am better now. I really am, but i do think missing you comes in waves. I miss you today. it’s a beautiful friday morning, you would be coming over very soon; we would be having lunch then taking a nap, getting a pastry, maybe going out at night. maybe not; you’d fuck me all night then we would sleep holding hands. the weekend was ours to explore; sundays are when i miss you the most. it was a sunday when i was yours for the last time. do you feel that? do you even give a fuck? you acted all tough when i last saw you. you said you were better off without me. is that true? i loved you more that you deserve. i love you more than anyone will ever do. i can still feel your arms around me sometimes. your side of my bed misses your skin. why are you so cold? where are you? i want to know what you really feel. you act like feelings don’t exist yet you love music.
As the months come to an end I will dream of a longer life with you in it. but this is all we could have; i’ll carry your ghost within me with more mercy than it deserves and i´ll spend my nights wondering if you do the same. will you pray for me? for the children we once had been? for the sunshine that spills from the gaps of the clouds, into the trees where we once lay beneath? will you pray for us to get through his night knowing we might not?
That’s all, I don’t even think of you that often