I love you so very deeply. The silence in my life since you left has become a physical presence in my life. Something that torments me even on my best days. Immediately after you left i made horrible mistakes out of desperation, trying to act like i was fine and didnt need you in my life. Now im here even more desperate. I miss you. I miss the big things, the way you’d look at me with your bright blue eyes or your laugh, whether it was at or with me. But its the small things that are destroying me, the hairclip i cant seem to get take out of my car, the songs that we listened to, the roads that we used to drive on. My world has become a museum of your absence, i wander aimlessly hoping to find shreds of something i havent lost. But in losing you, ive lost everything, including myself. Im aware that this is my fault, in the most brutal but deserving way i have come to realize this. I took for granted the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me, i became insecure, distrusting, and toxic. I gave up on becoming a better person and then in turn gave up on you. You fought for us everyday and i was too blind to see it, and i slowly began to despise you for things out of your control. As this hatred dies its replaced with hope. Hope is the worst thing i have ever had, i have to kill it everyday since you left. Everyday I hope you will text me, i hope ill run into you, i hope you will dream of me and realize there may be something serviceable left in me. But i am a fool to hope, i know i am, but i will continue to hope for us. But quietly, and away from you my love. I pray you dont think of me, or even waste a single moment more of your life on my memory. I will did loving you, my greatest memories are of you. Through everything i always loved you, whether or not i was blinded by my own insecurities, i still loved you. Learning to love myself has forced me to learn that i must also love the idea of letting you go. Its unfortunate that i may never truly love myself because i am a deeply flawed and selfish man, for i know i will never be able to let such a pure soul go. All i can do is pray you never feel these feelings and that you find someone who can make you as happy as i know you deserve to be. But for me, I will always be your fly my love