I open my eyes every morning & you are my first though. Not only when I wake but every minute of the day- you are every dream. I think about you constantly. Are you okay, how was your day? Wishing I could ask. I replay every word, every mistake over and over again. As if in doing so, I can somehow change things, everyday I realize more & more where I failed to show you not only that Iloveyou but that I appreciated you. How I failed to make you see that you have always been worthy. My biggest one is obvious, the betrayal of not telling you everything. The more I replay our time together years ago, I think about the little things. Things you said that should have been obvious, like ” check on our dogs” I never intended to keep the truth from you!! I honestly just didn’t know how to say Iloveyou and at the same time explain everything else. YOU WERE NEVER A VOID FILLER, A SECOND CHOICE OR A PLACEHOLDER. Even the person before you knew my feelings for you I told them how I felt about you when I was 16 My love for you, my wanting to spend my life with you has never been a lie!!! I’m sorry that I couldn’t find the words at the time to tell you, what I was dealing with. I’m sorry for breaking your trust, but most of all, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that my actions, my inability to speak up caused you pain & made you doubt yourself. To hear you say I never wanted you is the worst. You’re the only one I have ever wanted. I still hope every day that you will give me the chance to tell you everything, even if you don’t love me, even if you never want to be with me. I need you to know.