Being baptized isn’t everything it calls to be. I’m struggling with god being the only one that knows.

Everything in me is exhausted, my mind wants to fight, but my mind can’t. All I do is work pray, smoke, sleep then repeat.
I don’t wanna do that anymore.
It’s like a cycle I can’t kill.
You’re the one person that actually cared if I smoked. Now everyone Oky with it, my mom, my dad, etc.
my life has been a circus sense the last time I left.
I lost 3 close relatives.
One that taught me god,
One that gave me a home,
And one that I hardly ever talked to anymore.
That changed me.
My dad started doing fentanyl that same year. I had to go save my brother.
All at 17 years old.
I’m damn near there other half of guidance to them. But I can’t guide them if I’m being mislead by the enemy. Which I was.
I tryed to resist talk to yiu. It’s hard. It’s like a string togging on me. I don’t wanna fight anymore. If my aplogizes are good enough, then I’m sorry and I hate that I hurt you. you didn’t wanna hear me out. So I did what you asked. I quit texted and walked away.