I miss you so damn much. But I literally can’t disrespect my self worth anymore. I would’ve done close to anything to have you see me and love me for who I am. You pretended, I know my voice haunts you. I crave your voice but if I heard it today, it would absolutely send me into another spiral. I still want the absolute best for you. And whether you under stand it or not, I do love ya! But I’m coming to terms with the possibility that maybe the Lisah I love never truly existed the way I saw you. I didn’t mean to put you on a pedestal, I just wanted to protect you, and I wanted you to be mine. I know you hate that possessive shit, it wasn’t my intention. Don’t matter, I’m beating a dead horse. I miss you so much I could vomit. I wish you would’ve hugged me like you said you would. I’m so sorry Lisah. I really am. All those times I made you feel small, I didn’t mean to. I just freaked out, I felt cornered. I wanted you, but my behavior made it seem like I wanted to sample the lesbian life style. When in reality, I just wanted you near me, I wanted to be able to relax with you near by. That was my goal, but your hyper sexual chick. I wish I would have stood my ground, I wish I wasn’t attracted to you, and stuck to my guns when it came to being strictly platonic. Now I’m stuck here with a hole in my chest. I wish you would have really got to know me. I won’t stay where I’m not wanted, you know that now. Alright well, even if my Lisah doesn’t exist, just wanna say I miss you so fucking bad. I’m really fucking sorry, I should have told you how beautiful I thought you were in front of everyone. Goodnight I hope I don’t feel the need to come here ever again. If you call, I’ll answer.