I’m so sorry for making for making you feel inferior in our relationship. I was overcompensating for nothing. You are perfect. I should have never let my childish tendencies and attitude get into our relationship. You’re right, i am insecure. You were the first real relationship that made me feel seen and wanted. I guess what really brought out the worse in me was that you weren’t ready to move onto the step yet. I was basically nagging you all the time about it and when I didn’t get my way, I’d find an excuse to be upset over something so little and stupid. that wasn’t right of me. I hate myself for it. I hate the lying the I did in our relationship to make you feel shitty. I’m so sorry. I never meant to be that way but there is no excuse for my actions. Every day I think about you, I think about us and I miss it. I miss you so much. I try telling everyone around me that im fine but im not. Everyone expects me to be the same happy go lucky person that i was but honestly, knowing that I can’t tell you about my day, work, school, what i ate, etc. it hurts so much. I miss calling you everyday and hearing your voice . I miss our banter. I miss the way your eyes would crinkle when I said something out of pocket. I miss the random pictures we would send each other. I miss planning trips out to come and see you. I miss talking to you in the middle night after you get off work and you telling me to go to sleep because I have work in the morning but I don’t because I love hearing your voice right before I sleep. I miss when you would send pictures of your cats. I miss everything. I can’t get rid of the stuff you gave me. They’re tucked away because I can’t bare myself with seeing them in my room. I miss that time I came to see you and we kissed for the first time. I miss the way you would hold my hand. I miss the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you would grab my face and tell me that everything would be okay right before I left on the plane. I miss you so much Ethan.