I still miss you Julie it’s really selfish of me to be sending this but I don’t think you’ll ever see this so I’ll just say it. I want to go back in time you didn’t deserve the treatment I gave you I spent so much time ignoring you and giving you unfair treatment but I wanna explain to you the actual story this time not some bullshitty explanation I gave you before thinking that you couldn’t see my message the real story. So I loved our friendship I considered you a really good friend you were probably my best friend but it was scary thinking that I would stop being friends with everyone just to be friends with you and that was my problem I spent to much time thinking of what everyone else would think and worrying about others instead of what we were doing and for that I’ll try to be tater if given a chance because I don’t think an apology is what you want. Moving onto the big issue my feelings for you I was to deep in and that was my problem see once I started to see you hangout with L I saw how well you two got along and by that point we hardly could keep up a conversation and I hated it I hated the fact that we were starting to get distanced from each other but when I saw how well you got along with her I got incredibly jealous because I wanted to be able to talk to you with that much confidence I didn’t want to keep scavenging for conversations that came so easily a few months earlier and I was so scared of loosing you to someone else so I panicked and just told you what I’ve been keeping in for so long when I confessed and got rejected I was so happy once you kept wanting to be friends of course it hurt more than anything even physical pain but I learned to accept it since I didn’t wanna ruin us but throughout our friendship I started thinking I wasn’t good enough because the way everyone else talked to you was so natural and I was just not cutting it so I thought to myself that I’ll save us both the trouble and just maybe start talking less to let you know that one day I completely ignored you at our table at lunch I really wanted to include you I just didn’t know how or how to talk to you at all I realized we were to different and I didn’t want to hold you back from the people you talked so easily with and overtime it just kinda faded but of course I was a bitch because I was the once ignoring you in the end but believe me I was clawing at my skin to keep from reaching out to you even when I knew how much time and effort you put into our friendship so when we sort of made up I guess a part of myself was mad that it wasn’t the same as before and eventually we just fell back into our old habits but we could at least talk now oh btw that day at graduation I loved you in your white dress you looked beautiful and when I was in my car driving home I need you to know I looked out the window back at you every single second until we were out the parking with you no longer in view I’ve regretted that day ever since I just wish I could go back and properly communicate with you but it’s to late now I guess I luv ya and I always will so that’s my whole explanation holy yap right? But seriously if by any chance you see this note and decide to reach out don’t hesitate even if the only communication we’ll ever have is you cursing me and cussing me out it’s okay I’ll accept it as long as I get to hear something from you and even if it is something rude atleast I’ll get closure and move on but if you do want to try again (I really do) then I’m always open please even if through a friend but as long as I don’t receive any message from you I’ll keep waiting as long as it takes till we reconnect and if we never do then I’ll always remember you as one of my biggest achievements I’m just sorry I couldn’t be one of yours as always I luv ya (since I noticed you never say I love you fully)and Ill always have a spot in my heart reserved especially for you P.S I saw you not to long ago at a stop light walking up to a friend I think she had red hair maybe? Oh and I saw you walking I still look for you whenever I pass by that schools route it’s really close to my house I want to move there but I don’t think that’d be fair to you and I don’t think I can handle seeing you again so abruptly still using that messenger bag huh? Hehe again this is officially the end of my really super duper long text bye byeee I miss you I hope our paths cross in the future (they almost did on June 14) ok goodbyeeee💗💗