The whole summer you kept ruining things, pushing me being terrible unreasonable. You ruined it from the beginning. I cheated on you big time. Could not take it anymore one morning in the summer I couldn’t stop crying because I just told myself there was no way you could treat. A girl like this and love her, leave me to feel numb all night because of fights you started and fucking with my head manipulating me in such a way that I would think everything was my fault. I couldn’t even cry those nights I didn’t feel a thing just a frozen heart and headaches and I would feel heaviness in my chest. You deserved to get cheated on for what you did to me. You don’t even know and you will never know but I let him kiss me and I got on top of him like I always do with you. Clothes on. I didn’t want him one bit couldn’t care less and I didn’t feel anything it didn’t feel good. I just let it happen. Then I let another guy take me out and literally buy me earrings while you were out of the country for that week. He was so sweet he said pick out whatever you want and I did. Then another guy bought a necklace and brought it to my house. So many guys have bought things for me while we were together. Never did anything with any of them never let them touch me kiss me The kiss thing was just once. I felt so guilty after that I realised I shouldn’t let anyone touch me because the guilt would make me love you more, I felt so bad for you. Even after all the fucked up shit you did to me I was feeling bad for you. I loved you more than anything I swear I would have never done any of this if you had just loved ne back and been good. You made me do things I didn’t even know I was capable of it’s your fucking fault I cheated you pushed me so fucking far away. I don’t feel guilty about it now I’m glad I had some escape. Loved you so much, you had my whole heart. I swear when you wanted to go on that walk that one time I thought I’m so lucky, I found such a good beautiful sweet person who treats me so well and cares for me much. I thought he’s nothing like the other guys who just wanted to use me. I thought I finally found someone good, you have no idea how highly I thought of you. But you ended up being so much worse. Those guys were honest they always just said they wanted sex. You didn’t want me for my body you wanted to control me like a doll. You said you loved me and all this bullshit and then did the worst things to me for so long. You fucked me up so bad idk what’s real. Idk if any of it was real did I ever mean anything to you. My brain hurts. You are so fucked up I tried to love you and you just fucked me up too. You will get what you deserve for what you did to me. Idk what it is, and I’m not wishing anything bad on you but unfortunately it’s out of my hands. There is nothing I can do, trust me, God will make you suffer immensely for what you did to me.