hey michelle.
i dont believe you’ll read this but i hope you’re doing well. i know you think im dating her or im jumping back into talking to people and to be entirely honest i used to think that was the only way to get over you. but i promise on everything that the story was genuinely supposed to be a fake. the leaving you in 2025 was a joke because it was supposed to be a fake launch. the whole thing was a gimmick and i hope you believe me because idk how anyone can move on from what we had and fall in love with someone else after what we had and went through this quick. she knows i just got out of the most serious rls of my life recently. and the reason the story even went through the reason any of that happened was because she knows and chooses not to care because we wont be dating each other nor do we have feelings for each other. if it was real michelle i wouldve told you. those hard feelings and resentment were still there for you. i wouldve told u that it was revenge. that im with someone who doesnt treat me the way u did. i wouldve if it was the truth bc i was still angry and i truthfully wouldve been glad to have something that couldve hurt u as much as u hurt me. im drained of everything michelle. i dont feel anything for anyone i physically am not able to. and ill be honest. did i try to feel something for this girl? yes i tried but nothing would give. i thought trying all i could to find someone else to fill the void would fix it. but nothing works. not even in person not through text nothing i felt nothing. and i admit i was in the wrong for even trying to talk to smb new 3 months after we ended. but u dont understand the burden and pain that came with us ending and especially after the betrayal. nothing. distractions and focusing on myself and work and friends didnt work. therapy didnt work. that void that sadness and misery. its still here burning through me. so i tried to talk someone new once. not even outright. she doesnt like me like that so i discreetly tried to. desperately trying to feel anything for js someone else but i couldnt. that is me being honest. even after the things u did. so i gave up right away i did. i thought u doing what u did would make me feel okay and i can finally move on. for a few weeks i did. for a weeks that hatred burned through me and got me through my days. but everyday. it slowly turned from hatred into missing you. i said so much and i did so much. but my heart repeatedly says how can i hate someone i loved as hard and as truthfully as i loved you. i would not do the things i did for you for anyone. i wouldnt have stayed through all the trials and tribulations bc im someone who i admit gives up easily. but i did because like you i wanted us to work so bad. even after the breakup. i know you cried a lot and i know you had so many breakdowns and bad days bc of me and im sorry but u werent the only one. i wouldnt have endured that for js anybody i wouldnt even do it for friends. my love for you was true through and through, it was real it was raw and honest and it was all i had and then some. so i hope that you know its not possible for anyone not even the most cold hearted ppl to move on and find someone new as u think i did. even if i tried i couldnt. im going to make this clear. if u see this i know u dont care. i know. i js wanted to clear the air. i truly gave u everything michelle and i have nothing to give anyone now. i dont have the energy or the time or the will to do so, i dont care if im talking to smb and they cheat on me or if they have a million boy bsfs which u know im rlly strict and admittedly insecure abt. thats not my values being put down by myself to accept any love or any affection but its me no longer being able to care. one of the main reasons i couldnt feel anything for anyone was because i always asked myself, if i saw you and u asked to restart, would i leave the girl im with now. and seriously as much as my heart hated you with every fiber of my being. as disgusted as i was. the answer was always a definite yes. and that always shocked me. i recently listened to some songs. in my main playlist i have it in the order of the dates i added them. from the songs i added since march until august, march bc that was when we met and august bc that was the end of korea and my whole trip to korea was built and surrounded on you, every song made me smile. even in the hell im in rn it made me smile bc it brought me back to one of the best times in my life. it reminded me of you and i had that section on repeat. especially the giveon album and blessed. i know you wont unfollow him. i know you still follow him and talk to him even js as friends and i have a good idea why. but my heart cant help missing us. no matter what it cant. i think that goes to show how stupidly in love i was with you. not stupid as in i was stupid to fall in love with you but stupid as in ill love you and miss you and want you through everything. even if it disrespects me or harms me. ik i said u gave me the fuel to move on and i gave u urs to move on. and i truly thought i did. i was doing so good. but everything is shortlived except for my feelings for you. ik it may not be the same for u but im js pouring all of what im feeling out now. u hurt me but now i hurt u. im sorry i did i regret posting that story and even agreeing to go out. thats not me i js took every distraction available. thank you mich