Dear Mak,
its me again. 4th time. well 4th time that actually gets posted I guess. idk, I just miss when you cared about me. like I know you care, but I dont feel like you love me the same. I miss when I was your best friend. your number one. our friendship is more important to me than any other feelings I may feel.
but to be honest, lately I have been killing myself trying to just keep the peace. like Ive been trying to be there for you sooo much, and you were upset with ur bf and we talked abt it a lottt and we hadn’t played Roblox in a while right, and I had heard you talk abt you being upset w him all day and then you proceed to play with him instead of me the friend who’s been there for you so much and who you haven’t played with in countless months. look, I know its not that deep, but to me it is. its things like that, like I feel like im at your beck and call whenever you need but I just dont feel like thats reciprocated. ik ur going through your own stuff, but I am too and I still try so hard to be there for you. idk its the little things like that. they hurt. and we still haven’t fully talked abt our old fight. ive been trying to shove it down bc im so scared of fighting with you again bc you just get so defensive instead of hearing me. I just miss when I was your number one. btw, I wouldn’t ever be friends nor even friendly with someone who hurt you. but you do that. and it sucks.
idk on another note, those feelings I wrote abt on here like a month ago, well im on the road to getting over them. it has a lot of ups and downs. its easier when you do stuff like this that hurts me bc I can js turn the pain into being pissed off at you. but if I can’t do that then im just hurting, and if you haven’t done anything then im still hurting for diff reasons. but I will get over you. I will. idk when. but eventually. bc I cannot deal with this guilt anymore. I try so hard to just ignore all of this. it doesn’t work for long. and what sucks even more tho, is that I miss our friendship, like the one where you cared about me more. thats what I miss most of all.
I just wish I was as important to you as you are to me. in a best friend way. bc everything else I can and will get over otherwise I might just jump off a bridge bc of how guilty it makes me feel.
anyways, if you ever find this let me know immediately, but please, never find this.