I poured my heart and soul into our relationship and watched from a third person perspective as you took advantage of that and couldn’t put in the same kind of effort for me. I wrote you letters, reassured you, kept conversations going, yet you have the audacity to say the reason you didn’t feel like putting in effort recently was because “I wasn’t saying good morning/night or texting first” when i know that was all i’ve ever done. I sat waiting by my phone after i texted you goodnight before falling asleep to see what you would say just because if I didn’t it would haunt me and make me wonder if you forgot about me.

You forgot to say I love you. How can you forget that when you’re the one who said it first. I don’t want to love you, but I love you so much because i’m holding on to the way you make me feel every so often, when you remember that i’ve been here for you through thick and thin, but that’s a lucky chance for a girl cursed. You make me feel like a fool, i wait continuously for you to do better after I ask you to, and you never do. I ask for reassurance to only get back “You don’t need that, you know how I feel” yet I spend most days with my gut being churned like butter anticipating whether or not you’ve decided to show me love that day. You might be my first love, but deep down I can admit to myself that you won’t be my last. I was so happy before you, a ray of sunshine, and I lost myself through holding on to the invisible string you let go of. I’m tired of holding this string, my hand is cramping, and whenever I ask for you to hold it for me, you ask me to hold it a little longer, and I always comply. I’m not strong enough to say no. I’m not strong enough to put my foot down, because you only hold the string and give me a break from this feeling when it’s not me telling you how many issues you have. You shit on the only person who has ever truly cared about you. I know you hate your family. I know you hate your friends. I need to realize that’s not their issue. I need to realize that I shouldn’t have to beg you to give me attention, and I need to realize you can’t build a stable relationship with a foundation you laid down on your own.