Hi self,
I just want to let you know that everything sucks right now, and I know it’s really hard. But hopefully in five years, you’ll look back at this and be proud that you’ve moved on. Although it all ended badly, I’m glad you took that leap of faith with JG. (gotta use code names so no opps know, but only the real ones will know who this is about).
It hurts that he did me so dirty, especially at the end, after being perfect for so long. But honestly, deep down I know love is never wasted, and that I was the shoulder he needed during the toughest time in his life. Maybe Waheguru made us meet and stick it through for this long to show him real love and teach him what not to do for the right girl. Maybe it happened to help him grow, become a better man, and give him the strength to live life after dealing with such hardships at such a young age.
I’m just glad I got to feel love and experience a true relationship at least once, even though it messed me up at the end. I guess I had to learn to set boundaries in a romantic relationship and learn not to let people like JD get to me (once again code names because of opps). I promise to myself to never let myself be hurt repeatedly like this, no matter how much in love I am, because at the end of the day I don’t deserve it. At the end of the day, if he can’t value me, then he doesn’t deserve to marry me. And at the end of the day, I will find what’s meant for me because I will never lose my trust in Waheguru, and good days are ahead.
Even though right now it feels like I lost a part of myself with him, I know that’s not actually true. I didn’t lose myself, I learned about myself. I learned how deeply I can love, how much I can give, and how strong I can be even when my heart is shattered. One day I’ll thank this version of me for surviving nights like this, for choosing not to beg, not to shrink, not to settle for half assed love just to avoid being alone. I hope in the future I remember that I stayed soft in a world that tried to ruin me, and that I never let the pain turn me heartless.
I hope in five years I’m surrounded by peace, not confusion. By consistency, not anxiety. By someone who chooses me loudly and protects my heart instead of testing how much it can endure. I hope I’m loved in a way that feels calm and safe, not like something I have to earn or fight for. And if I’m still healing then, I hope I’m gentle with myself and proud that I walked away from what hurt me, even when it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
This chapter hurt, but it didn’t break me. It shaped me. And I trust Waheguru completely, nothing that is truly meant for me will ever require me to lose my dignity, my self respect, or my sense of worth. Better days are coming, even if I can’t see them yet. And one day this pain will just be proof that I survived and chose myself.