the whole “breaking boundaries with talking/doing something.” because you’ve done it to me our whole fucking friendship. You’ve broken many boundaries and when i stated them you agreed but then you later broke them and i tended not to say anything because it would set you off or make you spiral and i didn’t want to have to deal with that. it seems to me that boundaries only matter to you when it’s YOUR boundaries. one of the first ones was always relationships. i never wanted to say anything because it seemed to make you happy and god forbid someone point out the flaw of someone you love. first it was ash, then izzy, then alyx. i really didn’t want to hear about it but you needed someone and i was there. then it was vaping. i told you from the beginning not to vape around me because i hated it. it’s dumb. its great way to give yourself cancer quicker because it’s more harmful. i asked so many times. i didn’t even try to ask you to stop, mainly because you wouldn’t fucking listen. i don’t fuck with that shit at all. when you started smoking weed, it was pretty much the same thing and only reason i did it was because i thought it would bring us closer but then i realized that i was fucking right. you always used me as your therapist and shoulder to cry on because i was the person who didn’t want your blood on my hands if i didn’t answer. from the beginning you’ve only used me as a therapist, doctor, and shoulder to cry on and later for sex. as much as you don’t want to admit you used me for sex. i thought that when you said you didn’t want to talk about the cast list i took it as you didn’t want to talk about roles which is fine. i don’t care about that. what i really wanted was support. someone that’s gone through the same experience. because like it or not, you won. you won the stuck up nepotism competition. you got the role. congratulations. i just wanted one time that i could fully let my walls down and talk to someone about something that i’m struggling with. this isn’t about the cast list or the show or anything like that it’s just this. i failed at the one thing i’m good at. the one thing that i’ve prepared for my whole life. i wanted to feel accomplished in the one thing that made me happy and finally feel like i’m doing something with my meaningless life. for the past few years i’ve felt more and more unfulfilled with my life. i thought that maybe all of this suffering would led to something i can be proud of but it didn’t. i’ve been second best and the worst one my whole life. this i can’t just settle with like the other times because this was the one thing that would have made my year of suffering worth it. i’m done. this is it. everyone except maybe one person hates me. i have almost no support because if my family truly knew me, they’d never want to see me again. you’ve made me feel like i’m nothing to you. i’m just the person you come to when you need encouragement. when you need a fix. when you need a cover up. i’m done. i’ve been hurt enough for years to come. you can make as many bad decisions as you like. your lungs are going to fail you in 5 years time. you’re going to lose any semblance of a singing voice you may have had and you are going to lose so many friends because you treat people like tools you bring out when it’s convenient to you. i’m done. with everything. with life. with fear. with regret. with walking on fucking eggshells with people who don’t care about anyone but themselves. i’m tired of being the annoying person who everyone leaves. i’m tried of being everyone’s fucking therapist and i’m tired of letting the people i care about walk all over me.
