you wanted transparency.
you demanded honesty.
i paid it and then some…

as i have sat here nearly entirely disconnected from the level of thoughts I have had for you, I have been living again. back to a healthy, normal baseline.

you know I was there to save you.
you know I always had the right intent.
I know it’s the hardest thing in the world, to admit that the person that you admire the most (your Mom) may have hurt you. I’m here to tell you genuinely, she didn’t mean to.

I didn’t mean to reflect everything onto you both when I couldn’t sustain the overflow internally anymore.

you may not feel it yet… but without somebody to support your energy, you will no longer experience the same comforts you once did.

it isn’t a threat. it’s a sad reality that I desperately tried to speak to you logically and reasonably about.

i watched you lie through your teeth when you told me how you feel or don’t feel. And instead of just allowing it, I felt so much for you I really wanted to see you hold yourself to the same standard as you did me.

It’s not with hate that I walk away. Never was.
Still nothing but love. It was enough love that I walked away. And you had to see over 7 years of living together, that’s not easy to do.

Go find yourself.
As if my Jennifer I lost a 4 years and 1 day ago wasn’t already an incredible guardian angel… A new angel appeared. Her name is Jennifer.

Not just does she recognize that I’m not hiding behind a false mask of an ego, she points out me noticing things in her that nobody does… And best of all, with the new honest version of me, it matches up perfect with how honest she is.

I’m going in without expectations. But we both like each other. Physically and otherwise.

I wholeheartedly love you Caylee.
And while you won’t leave my mind entirely, you can consider the door closed until you come to terms that match mine.

I mean that as terms of simple conversation, or anything. You refuse to hear me now but one day you’ll come to understand what happened between us, that magnetic intensity, not something to fear.

You never even gave me a chance.
I certainly forgive you for it, too.
Goodbye, my twin flame. My soul’s mirror.
Goodbye Lee, my lover, my friend.
Thank you for everything.
I still loved holding your hand.