” I am a shell of the person you see in public, I don’t know how to be a person when I am alone. I am an actress, and friend groups are my stage. I feel undeserving of having so many admirers, and arrogant for saying so. I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation and instead all I am thinking about is how many people like me. Narcissus has castrated me, I feel as though I can never touch or be touched for fear of tainting all that is precious, of corrupting that which means most to me. I have a fear that I will never be able to truly be myself in front of another person for the rest of my life, and even after therapy and all sorts of pills that feeling, the anticipation of betrayal and the fear of having to reject those who care for me, are intrinsic to who I am now. I cannot live without them, my compass leading me astray. Maybe I am trying to force myself into love when I am incapable of such a thing. “